Your hollow, in your paw.
Check imaginary balances, move pretend acorns between pots and read every rate card from the top of any tree. The app exists only in this story: there is nothing to download and no real account to sign into.
- Balances and demo rate cards for every fictional pot
- Pretend transfers between your own pots
- Paw-print login checked by a very stern painted owl
- Branch finder with invented opening hours and maps
Prefer a voice or a stump desk? Telephone banking · Banking in branch · Ways to pay
Banking from the top of any tree
The AcornBank app is the fictional bank’s fictional flagship: a small green screen with an acorn on it, promoted on every page and available in no store anywhere. In the story it runs on any phone a squirrel can carry, which rules out most phones.
What the story app can do
- Balances at a glance: every pot, every demo rate, one paw-friendly screen.
- Pretend transfers: move acorns between your own pots and watch the total stay exactly the same.
- Rate cards and tables: the same figures as the rates page, formatted for a screen the width of a twig.
- Branch finder: invented addresses, opening hours and maps for all 400 branches.
- Paw-print login: a very stern painted owl checks the print, then lets everyone in, because there is nobody to keep out.
What it cannot do
There is nothing to download. It cannot take a real payment, hold real money, read a real card or send a notification to a real phone. The screenshots on this site are illustrations. If an app store ever lists an “AcornBank” app, it was not made by this fictional bank, because this fictional bank cannot make anything.
Frequently asked squeaks
Is it on the app stores? No. Does it need a password? No, and never type a real one here. Can it show my real balance? It cannot show anyone’s balance, including Hazel’s. Why promote it at all? Because a demo that copies a bank should copy the bank’s favourite banner, and the acorn icon is adorable.
The very small bark print
The AcornBank app, online banking and telephone banking exist only in this story. There is nothing to download, no store listing, no telephone number and no account to sign into. Never enter real credentials or card details anywhere on this site. Read why this bank is fictional.
Related reading
- This Is a Fictional Bank — No Real Banking Here
- Site Map — Every Branch of AcornBank
- How to Bank — Online, in the App, in Branch or by Phone
- Log In — No Hollow to Unlock
- Help — Unruffle Your Tail
- Online Banking — Your Hollow on a Screen
- Ways to Pay — Cards, Transfers and Acorn Pay
AcornBank: entirely fictional banking, exceptionally committed squirrels.