Bring a pencil
The fictional branch network has 400 branches in twenty invented regions. Every branch page lists its services, an invented address, opening hours and a map that leads nowhere. Visits in the story involve a stump desk, a rate card and a jar clearly marked “not lunch”.
What happens at a stump desk
- A character explains which product fits which goal, using the same tables as the product pages.
- Nobody collects documents, takes cash, opens an account or offers real advice.
- Written summaries and large-print leaves are available; so is a quiet moss nook for longer conversations.
Before you set off
Check the branch page for its opening hours, because Saturday varies and Sunday is always the Great Nap. Then remember that the address is scenery and the map is a drawing, and read the app page instead, which is at least as real.
The very small bark print
The AcornBank app, online banking and telephone banking exist only in this story. There is nothing to download, no store listing, no telephone number and no account to sign into. Never enter real credentials or card details anywhere on this site. Read why this bank is fictional.
Related reading
- This Is a Fictional Bank — No Real Banking Here
- Site Map — Every Branch of AcornBank
- How to Bank — Online, in the App, in Branch or by Phone
- Log In — No Hollow to Unlock
- Help — Unruffle Your Tail
- Staying Safe Online — Spotting a Magpie
- Telephone Banking — Ask for Hazel
AcornBank: entirely fictional banking, exceptionally committed squirrels.